Do you remember when your childhood dog had to be shot? Wasn’t that an awful time in your life? Would you want to pay to see that, over and over again? Probably not.
That’s been my experience with Hollywood movies for the past few years, and I’m done with it. After the Infinity Saga ended with 2019’s Avengers: Endgame, the Marvel Cinematic Universe turned to nothing more than pandering to Twitter and My Space users. Right when it looked like Star Wars was having a comeback with its shows on Disney+, The Book of Boba Fett and The Mandalorian‘s 3rd season had about 16 excellent seconds, combined.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny recently premiered at the 2023 Cannes Film Festival, which has received very mixed reviews but, most of them confirmed the worst for me. This was a film that didn’t need to be made. So, I’m throwing in the towel boys, as a fan of this character since before I could even talk, I do not plan to watch Indy’s final adventure.
Maybe I’m just growing up, but every franchise with potential or a distinguished name is turning into either straight-up bad movies, or used for an agenda to spread political propaganda. It’s dumb that people don’t talk about it, or think it’s some conspiracy theory. It’s clearly not. Just within Star Wars and Marvel properties, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rouge One, Black Widow, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, and Captain Marvel, all push this agenda in some way or another.
This agenda has been creeping its way into Hollywood for some time, seeping its way into YOUR favorite movies. It began to popularize when producer, and head of Lucasfilm, Kathleen Kennedy, let director J.J. Abrams, hold a lightsaber with 2015’s The Force Awakens. The grasp of this agenda reaches nearly all ends of cinema. The main push of this agenda is to belittle those with original thoughts and turn YOU into another legion of one hive mind. The agenda itself is inclusivity and representation.
Wait, I’m sure you’re saying, what’s wrong with that? As an idea, nothing. In execution, everything. It doesn’t matter that Rey has no training until the 3rd movie in the Star Wars sequel trilogy because she can just do anything with the force because the script says so. If you criticize this writing mistake you are a sexist-woman-hatting white man who should pay for the crimes of your ancestors two or 300 years ago.
Here’s the situation, you’re wrong and Disney is right. There is no room for discussion or a difference of opinion. So, what does any of this have to do with our favorite professor of archeology? Unfortunately, this agenda has morphed into a snake as a means to destroy this beloved character.
As a movie, I’m sorry, it doesn’t look good and there were red flags everywhere. I was blinded, and in my blindness, the enemy returned (I’m paraphrasing Gandalf but still, you get my point.) Steven Spielberg left the project early on, casting Phoebe Waller-Bridge and clearly attempting to set her up as the new ‘Indiana Jones,’ even bringing in James Mangold to write and direct was not a good call.
One of my favorite movies of all time was helmed by Mangold, which was 2017’s Logan. That film was also meant as a swan song for a popular character. Here’s the problem, Mangold needed to make 2013’s The Wolverine first, make mistakes, learn the world and character, and apply that to Logan. This time around, he was brought on after multiple writers had tried and failed to deliver acceptable drafts.
Spielberg’s departure told me a few things. First, he really wanted to make that West Side Story remake, and the second was that I think he knows that even if Crystal Skull wasn’t received very well, it was intended as a love letter to the character. Indy’s character arc and story have ended twice now, with Last Crusade and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, there are no more stories to tell about Indy, and I believe in my heart, that Spielberg knows this.
I’d like to add that Spielberg didn’t want to bring back the Nazis as the bad guys, and in Dial of Destiny, the main villain is a Nazi. I’m almost positive that Kathleen Kennedy had a mandate or something that said the villains must be Nazis using “because that’s what fans want to see,” or another lame excuse like that. If I were Steven Spielberg, I’d leave the ‘destiny’ of this character up to someone else too.
Before reading this next paragraph I’d love it if you watched the official clip above, which is not fake. The green screen is abysmal, my goodness. What happened? Did Lucasfilm, the guys who pioneered special effects, forget how to do their jobs? Not that this is a franchise known for amazing effects, but still. Along with this, that pesky idea that ‘girls get it done,’ is found here. From 20 seconds of this new character on screen through the use of awful dialogue we’re told everything about her, she thinks she’s the next best thing, so no one’s gonna stop her. It’s incredibly ironic that they clearly want a woman to lead this franchise because this is a franchise fill with well-written female characters.
Marion Ravenwood is the best example of this. Look at her introduction from Raiders of the Lost Ark, within the first few minutes, she punches Indy in the face. I love this moment as that action, along with the dialogue exchange that follows between them, tells us pretty clearly how they feel about each other. Even with the resentment Marion feels towards Indy from the past, there’s still something there between them, and multiple times in the story she helps in meaningful ways that make sense for her character. This idea is followed up with and expanded upon as she returns in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
Even the most obnoxious female in the series Willy from Temple of Doom has great character development. She sees people’s hearts ripped out, child abuse, is nearly incinerated alive at one point and goes from a ‘daddy’s money’ girl to humbling herself. Learning there’s more to life than, as she puts it to Indy, “You’re damn fortune and glory!”
Elsa from Last Crusade is a great female character because she keeps Indy, and thus the audience, on their toes. Her motivation is clear, she will do anything to get her hands on the holy grail, without thinking of the consequences of her actions. Her character arc ties into Indy’s as his father tells him by the end of the film, “Elsa never really believed in the grail. She thought she’d found a prize.”
It would come across that after bad publicity following poor management of the Star Wars IP, Kathleen Kennedy has brought back the character of Indiana Jones as one final attempt to keep her job. Kathleen Kennedy sees this series as her holy grail, she thinks it’s a franchise that can just be continued without any thought behind the meaning of the conclusions of the previous film, with disregard for the consequences.
There is no character I love more than Indiana Jones. I will no longer remain oblivious to the brutal murder of my favorite franchise at the hands of the modern Disney tradition of taking your favorite movies, using them for profit, and pushing an evil agenda. I want this movie to be good, to have a reason to exist, and give my favorite franchise another chance to shine, but even before the reviews started coming out, I knew that wouldn’t be the case.
I’ll probably watch it at some point down the line, but I will not uptake the adventure of seeing Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny in theaters. Everyone wants this to be a triumphant final quest, filled with emotion and nostalgia, to that I would quote Indy himself, “Be careful, you might get exactly what you wish for.”
MooCow Entertainment 