Hellboy: The Crooked Man is Spooky Bad

Hellboy? I hardly know him!

Hellboy is a character with a very niche and specific fanbase. The character’s films from the early 2000s have a devoted following, with many seeing Ron Pearlman as the only one to accurately play this role as he was seen in his comics. I have not seen those for context, but I remember renting the 2019 reboot from a red box and watching it with some family friends in silence as we all knew it was a reminder that maybe humanity shouldn’t allowed to create things. In simple terms, it was awful.

Hellboy: The Crooked Man caught my eye when the first trailer dropped earlier this year because there was not much other press behind the film, and only two weeks before it was supposed to be released in theaters, it was moved straight to a digital release. Someone knew this would not make money, and I needed to see why…

This (second) reboot of the character was directed by the man who made the sequel to Ghost Rider, which is crazy because my first few thoughts when watching the film, set in the 1950s, deep woods Appalachia was “This feels like it was directed by the guy who made the sequel Ghost Rider.” At best, it’s akin to a really well-produced fan film you’d find on YouTube at 4 o’clock in the morning. Unfortunately, this was a real movie produced by real companies made by real people.

The story structure is odd as it starts us off in the middle of a different story that seems to only be included as a way to get our heroes into the location of this film. It was confusing and felt like you were watching an episode in the middle of a television season rather than the start of a movie. However, it does set the tone nicely for what is to follow, with the movie being very confusing. The comic based on the same name had three volumes to develop ideas and properly tell this adventure, and with only one hour and 40 minutes, the film struggles to balance these ideas.

That’s not to say everything about the story is bad, as there are moments that shine past what feels like a first draft. Hellboy himself is the best part, mainly his writing. He has a few lines that give you goosebumps and show what the rest of the film could have been, given more care. I would like the note that practically every time this man is on screen he is either lighting a cigarette or just finishing one. It worked a few times early on to show how laid back he is in stressful situations, but man, this guy’s lungs must be destroyed. It felt like the director wasn’t sure what to do with the actor so he told the prop department to keep giving him cigarettes so he wasn’t just standing there.

The script also succeeds at writing and structuring the film (except for the opening which felt last minute) like a comic book. You feel like you’re turning the page to find out what’s going to happen next. The fact that it even makes an attempt to keep the tone of the comic is honestly very nice to see. It would have worked much better as a limited series, still, they tried so they get some points for that.

The budget is shown in the special effects which take you out of the movie nearly straight from the beginning. Witches are flying and spells are cast and none of it feels in-world, finding yourself looking for the wires most times. The action is very poorly directed and edited, at times gives you a headache. It would have been better had the film had less action to focus more on time to the characters.

The Crooked Man as a villain is an interesting antagonist for Hellboy as his mind games cannot be beaten by pure strength. It is fun to watch Hellboy and The Crooked Man play off each other and it gives you plenty of reasons to want to see Hellboy defeat the evil-doer. The secondary antagonist is a Witch up to no good. The way her character was resolved was not explained very well, lacking the punch the filmmakers wanted.

Hellboy: The Crooked Man is like that one fever dream you had when you got incredibly sick. Things are happening really fast, but also really slow and you just hope you wake up soon. It is a strange experience that fails to capture what makes fans of Hellboy stay loyal. Should they reboot the character for a third time my best advice would be simple – Don’t.